My Story

Looking back, it’s no wonder I became a journalist. Half of all calamities known to humanity have befallen my family. Updating friends about happenings has always felt like a rip-and-read news report.

Here’s what we’ve been through:

  • Tornadoes, as in two
  • Electrocution
  • Burns
  • Head-on moped crashes in the rain (not as romantic as it sounds)
  • Tractor vs. tree arguments
  • Cave failures
  • Pennilessness
  • Lightning strikes
  • Blizzard strandings
  • Incarcerations
  • Television appearances
  • Childhood curiosity about the gun in the kitchen cabinet
  • Flying German shepherds
  • Global spycraft
  • House fires
  • Drunken stabbing
  • Drinks with Vince Vaughn (unrelated to the preceding)
  • Miraculous cancer remission
  • Inevitable cancer returns
  • ER marriage proposals
  • Hard-won personal redemptions
  • Ponies

I hope I’ve made my point. Selling Mazdas would have been a let-down for me. So now I stand assessing the rubble all around me, snickering at the scorch marks and having second thoughts about some of the craters.

But there’s no going back, so on to the next deadline.

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